To find their lover, many people resort to emotional return rituals. While this form of white magic, combined with a few techniques, can be effective, setting the record straight with your lover is also a matter of life coaching. Today, expert Inès Tisserand reveals 5 steps to follow to have a fulfilling emotional life with your Ex!
The rule of non-communication – Cut off contact with him/her
If you’re wondering how to get back together with your ex, and KEEP him… he needs to realize how much he misses you. And to do that, there should be no contact between you for a certain period of time.
So here’s the rule: Cut off all contact with him for at least 4 weeks.
What does that mean? It means:
- Do not call him
- No sending of SMS
- No online contact (FaceBook Messages, Email, Chat, Twitter, IM, WhatSapp, etc.).
- No time to spend with mutual friends to meet him/her
- Don’t meet him “by accident”
Focus on yourself
Rather than moping and grieving all the time, focus on yourself. No boy or girl wants to go back to a wimpy, crawling lover. Stay cool, go out with friends and family, and enjoy life and have fun. In short, stay busy! Do everything you always wanted to do when you were in a relationship and be more confident. Take solo trips, pursue your hobbies, sign up for a gym or dance class, and more. This will help you rejuvenate yourself and better understand the things in your life. Spend more time with friends you didn’t know you had, to be with your current ex.
Keep in touch and talk once or twice. Sometimes pretending to be hard to get and not interested can make the person realize how much they need you in their life. This doesn’t mean that you’re going out with their best friend to make them understand, but rather that you’re living your life and playing the peace of mind card. Call or text from time to time and show that you still care about her, even after you break up. Again, don’t overdo it by calling and texting them. You don’t want to look too helpless and desperate to come back.
Correct your misunderstandings
If you’ve had a big argument or a fight and still need to be heard, then go ahead and talk calmly. Also give him or her the opportunity to express themselves and share their ideas. Don’t fight this time! You don’t want things to get any worse, do you? Don’t play the blame game; it could just make things worse. Let him know that you still have feelings for him and how much he means to you. Let them believe that you can work things out together. Go very slowly this time, and don’t expect to be welcomed with open arms. Be careful and avoid anything that might trigger an argument.
Letting go and moving forward
This advice may probably sound very strange to you, but it is when you let go of the person that you can bring them back. Give the other person some time and space. Don’t just wait for the other person to come back, but show them love and attention. Harassing your ex by calling or texting too much, writing love poems or sending flowers can drive a wedge between the two of you. So stop harassing him or her and let him or her know that you’ve started to move on with your life. Sometimes showing the other person that you are not at all worried about the outcome of the relationship and being happy can make them realize how much they miss you in their lives. Try not to always be available for her unless you want her to take you for granted again.
Understanding the problems in your relationship
Understanding what went wrong in your relationship can help you develop a plan to bring the person back into your life. For example, if it was your possessiveness that drove him or her away to get more freedom, then you need to figure out if you can change it. Simply telling him/her that you will change can make him/her understand that you care about him/her and that you are willing to try harder. Before you get emotional and despair about your partner’s return, figure out what you want and be honest with yourself. Answer your own faults and baggage, forgive them and forgive yourself, and move forward one day at a time to your new life. Ask yourself why you want this person back, and how you can avoid the mistakes of the past that have poisoned your relationship. This is very important!
Spend time together
After you start talking regularly, invite her back for a meeting. As for girls, wait until he asks you out. If he agrees, then you have the green light to resume the lost relationship. However, don’t rush into it so quickly. Take it one step at a time. Say and do what you really mean. When you think the time is right, ask him or her about the relationship and hope for the best!
Once you’ve worked through these issues, it will be easier to find your ex. Remember that impatience is your enemy. Although losing someone can be difficult, ask yourself some tough, honest questions, think about it, and then move closer to the love of your life. Consistency and patience are key here. So if you are serious about your relationship, rebuild trust and rekindle the affection you once had.